Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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