I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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