are you still at the devil's house?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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