After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
