if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
