If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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