you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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