Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
