I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Watching her eat just hurts me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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