remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
