Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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