I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
