You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
