she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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