i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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