So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
