i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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