I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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