This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
