I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
