'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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