She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
