You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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