and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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