I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize