I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
