she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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