I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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