I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
