Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
