You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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