Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
