I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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