all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
