Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
