How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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