Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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