she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
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Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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