kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I touched a dick in church today
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
