even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
