It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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