happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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