guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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