Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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