can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
