I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
