there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
