I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize