you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
