you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
