mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
