We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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