the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
