Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
