We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
God, I missed his penis.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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