he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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