I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
