bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
