I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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