This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
