Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
