he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
