1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
