I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
