If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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