Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
