I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
