Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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