I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
