Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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